Monday, March 1, 2010
Oprah Doesn't Live Here
I don't get this Western cultural embrace of the no-shoes-in-my-house thing. I have my suspicions though: It has Oprah's fingerprints all over it. Sort of like the whole: "Eighty-percent of women do not wear the correct size bra." info that was on Oprah's show. Just where and how did they get that particular statistic? Did they go around and measure women? Nobody measured me, except me and I am keeping that information to myself, thank-you very much. Who decides what constitutes the appropriate bra fit? We'll accept just about any sort of nonsense as long as it is prefaced with "Oprah says". This current trend towards forcing a guest to take off their shoes before entering someones house just seems like some of the big O's handiwork. "Do you know how many germs are on the bottom of your shoes?" No. Do you know how many germs are on my floor? My husband lived in Korea for awhile and they are so crazy about taking your shoes off over there his landlady actually made him take his shoes off in his own apartment! This is one trend I am bucking. I am going to insist that people wear shoes in my house. If for no other reason than to piss off Oprah. We have four cats, and if you have ever had cats, you know damn well why you wear shoes in the house. They try, but accidents happen. This whole "take-your-shoes-off" thing has gone so far that some well-trained people (not me) step inside my door and start whisking-off their shoes. I have to insist that they stop. I cannot be responsible for whatever crap (figural or literal) that they step on, bare or sock-footed, in my house. In fact, I think it may even be part of our home owner's policy. You should probably also have a tetnus shot before I allow you inside. What sort of message is it to tell your guests that the bottoms of their shoes are so disgusting they must remove them before entering the extremely sterile environment that is your home? "But, I have a toddler crawling around on the floor!" I promise not to let the little gipper lick the bottom of my shoe(and just where do you think I have been?), but have you seen the crap a two-year old will shove in their mouth? How the heck are they supposed to build an immune system if they are never around any germs?