Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Continuing Saga of "Little Miss Perfect"

One of the more mysterious aspects of "Little Miss Perfect" are the judges and the judging process. Deedy Melanson (I ask you: Does her name not sound like a drag queen name -- DD MELONson?) is a former "teen queen" with huge boobs who wears dresses that are just a wardrobe malfunction away from exploding. Deedy's precariously covered boobs are usually held up by insubstantial spaghetti straps, or a halter top stretched beyond reasonable capacity. I suppose this adds an element of suspense to the whole pageant experience. Deedy sometimes brings a little dog with her, holding it next to her ample bosom. It is sort of frightening because if Deedy's halter top failed, and one of those humongous ta-tas broke free, that itty bitty dog could be seriously injured. Come to think of it, we haven't seen that little dog in quite a while. Do you think it could have gotten lost in Deedy's cleavage? Somebody call the humane society just in case.

Judge Nyasha Zimucha's claim to fame is winning the "...first and only pageant title (where) she represented the entire African continent in the USA as Miss Africa USA." Huh? Still haven't quite figured out exactly just what contest that was -- if you know, please feel free to post in the comments section of this blog. Recently, as if representing "...the entire African continent in the USA as Miss Africa" wasn't enough, Nyasha is introduced as a "recording artist". Where? On her answering machine? I have never heard her sing. Or could it be even more sinister: Could it be that Pageant Director/Guru Michael Galanes is actually holding back Nyasha by insisting on singing ON EVERY SINGLE SHOW when maybe the true talent is sitting at the judge's desk? If this is true, I want to give a big shout-out in pageant parlance to Nyasha: "YOU GO GIRL!!!! Don't you let let that Mr. Michael push you around!". Wow, show biz is rough stuff. ("Citrus colored rainbows" my ass.)

Next judge is David Gilbert whose big claim to fame is that he has sat through a gazillion of these kiddie glitter-fests yet he has never appeared on "To Catch a Predator". I don't know if this is a good or bad thing, but kudos to Mr. Dave. Gilbert has a B.A. in Speech and Theatre, and I think this goes to show you just how far that sort of a degree can take you. It's probably better than wearing a mouse suit and dancing around in front of a Chuck E. Cheese.

To be continued...


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