Friday, April 23, 2010

The Seedy Underbelly of T-Ball: Skanks in the Outfield

The whole new Larry King scandal had me a little bummed-out when I found out that his wife, sister-in-law and Larry ALL agreed that Larry had NOT had sex with the sister-in-law. I never really believed this to begin with, but since skanks, celebrities and scandal go together like rama-lama-ding-dong, I was sort of sad. I certainly wasn't surprised, old Larry doesn't look likely to go THERE without a handful of Viagra and with his heart problems, I don't think any doctor is going to give Viagra to him. Of course, last year we found out that we mere mortals are not given access to drugs celebrities eat like half-price, pastel Easter basket M&M's. Once again, propothol springs to mind. But, just for auld ang syne, old times' sake, I wanted to believe that the failure of Larry's marriage was due to his philandering ways. Especially with the "ick" factor of a relative's involvement. Larry has gotten awfully frail and I was sort of thinking: "Way to go, Larry!" Which given the sanctity of marriage is all wrong, I wanted to give the old guy props for trying. Bless his heart, as we say in the South. But, alas it was not to be. It just seemed to be a regular old divorce where things just went kaput. No sleeping with the sister-in-law. No skankery. I was kind of sad. We started to move on.

BUT, quicker than you can say: "Bombshell McGhee" we were stopped in our tracks by one Hector Penate, the King children's T-Ball coach, who has confessed to sleeping with Larry's wife, on Larry's desk. Ah-ha -- just as I had always suspected: Those T-Ball games are rife with sexual tension. Not only that, with the entrance of Hector Penate, there's a new twist to my declaration of 2010 as the "Year of the Skank": a MAN Skank!!! Now THIS is the crap that inspires me to get out of bed every morning -- sad, but true. Joy, joy, joy, happy dance!!! Once again, being shallow is SO much easier. Hector Penate running his mouth about nailing Larry's wife on Larry's desk is nothing short of HEAVEN to my shallow little soul. So, Hector Penate, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you for not only restoring my faith in skankery, but for doing it just in time to make T-ball season a little more interesting for everybody.

No comments:

Post a Comment