Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Beauty IS a Beast: Toddlers and Tiaras Returns!
After a brief break in the broadcasts of two of my favorite reality televisions series "Toddlers and Tiaras" and "Little Miss Perfect", which I tend to think of as the same thing, "Toddlers and Tiaras" returned this evening for a fresh new season. This disturbing foray into the peculiar parallel universe (train wreck) that is the child beauty pageant world did not disappoint. It was almost worth the wait.
Enter one four-year old girl named MaKenzie. Clearly MaKenzie had long ago seized control of her household and was moving-on to take over the pageant world. It was obvious her parents were afraid of her. Hell, even I was a little afraid of her. As one little pageant girl put it: "I didn't like MaKenzie; she tried to bite me." I suspect there is a lot of metaphorical back-biting in the pageant world, but I got the feeling MaKenzie's biting was pretty much the real deal. With a gravely voice that sounded like she'd been smoking a pack-a-day for the past twenty years, MaKenzie clenched a pacifier ("ni-ni" she called it) between her teeth and growled commands at everybody. If ni-ni went missing, there was hell to pay for everybody concerned. MaKenzie treated ni-ni with the same kind of regard a crackhead has for a pipe. It was truly a sight to behold. Pageant people refer to such behavior from pageant girls as being a "diva" or a "firecracker". Some, like me, would call it being a brat. MaKenzie was pretty much the poster child for corporal punishment. If she hadn't been a four-year-old, I would have said: "Someone phone hell. Satan is missing a soul."