Friday, December 18, 2009

Christmas Letters on Acid

I am not a big fan of Christmas. Repeating this fact seems to upset a lot of people. I don't hate Jesus, or anything, I just don't get the giddy gleefulness and spend fest everyone seems to enjoy so much. Furthermore, I am not sure why I am expected to join in the merriment.

There are more than a few things that irritate me about this holiday. Right up there at the top of the list is the annual Christmas Letter. Not the personal note people tuck into a Christmas card to say "hello", but the computer generated snooze fest designed to make every one's family seem better than yours. Life is a big-ass competition and THEY are winning. Everybody knows this stuff is crap, yet every year they tuck it into their Hallmark wishes for a happy holiday. In a subversive move I regret not thinking of myself, I had a friend whose husband made up just awful stuff about his family to put in the annual Christmas Letter. Every year he bragged about his family's fictional decline -- his daughter had taken up working the stripper pole after flunking out of junior college and his son was now out of jail and successfully finishing rehab for the third time. You just know folks just couldn't wait to get their Christmas cards from him, looking forward to laughing their heads off at the fictional foibles of his family's decline. In the mountains of endless, BORING tomes about Josh getting the starring role in the third grade's play about George Washington Carver and Emily making honor role for the umpteenth million time, what a breath of fresh air to hear about some one's family (besides your own) devolving into chaos and ruin. Merry Christmas indeed.

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