Toddlers and Tiaras: The Ten and (Way) Up Division

Just when I thought pacifier chomping, gravely voiced, possible spawn-of-Satan MaKenzie had locked-up the title for "crazy" on T.V.'s "Toddlers and Tiaras" those pageant wackos managed to raise the proverbial "bar-on-crazy" sky high. Once again, from the annals of "I-can't-make-this-shit-up" enter one pageant coach: Brandi.

Brandi left pageants a few years ago and really missed them, so she decided to make a comeback. At first we are lead to believe that her comeback is in the form of coaching another little girl, Lauren. Slowly, as if to keep the viewers from serious head injury, "Toddlers and Tiaras" reveals that Brandi is also a contestant. This would not be so unusual if Brandi were not a thirty-one year old woman. That is correct: This week there was a thirty-one year old woman in the ten and up division of the kiddie pageant. Then, before you can say "enabler", Brandi's mother enters: She is a pill-popping, Valium-pushing hairdresser who does Brandi's hair. Everyone kept an eye on Brandi's mom too, because according to little Lauren, Brandi's mom has been known to "slip-a-mickey", aka "Valium" to stressed-out bystanders!

Brandi and little Lauren even performed a talent routine together. Brandi dressed as "Glinda the Good Witch of the North", Lauren was "Dorothy" and we all went with them to Oz. Little Lauren's mother -- Debbie -- didn't seem to find any of this the least bit abnormal. Debbie, Brandi, Brandi's mom and little Lauren were all just one big happy, happy, happy family. Not one of the adults had "both oars in the water", yet little Lauren managed to seem surprisingly normal. (Or maybe I have just been watching to many of these kind of shows...)

Brandi won her age division -- ten and up (way, way up). It's a little sad, yet somehow fortunate that Brandi was the only person in her division. I have a feeling this may happen a lot. Little Lauren also won something or other. They ALL thanked Jesus for how the pageant turned-out. The REALLY good news is, I think in Brandi, I may have found THE soul mate for the "Little Miss Perfect"'s Mr. Michael Galanes. I can just see them floating away on "citrus colored rainbows..".