Sunday, March 13, 2011

Sister Wives: Are We Having Fun Yet?


Things I am grateful for today (besides not having myself or any of my loved ones swept away by a tsunami): I am grateful that I have never had the occasion to start a sentence with the following phrase: "The other sister wives and I...". Have you seen this show? I have tried watching it several times, but usually have to stop about mid-way through because I keep wanting at least one of those wives to develop a shred of self-esteem and tell that that surfer-dude Corey the-husband-guy to take a flying friggin' leap. Instead, they cry. EVERY time I watch this show these wives are crying and "dealing with their jealousy issues" Here is how you deal with jealousy issues: Don't let your husband marry other women.

Angela Ellsworth - Sister Wives-7

Back in the good-old-days, 2009ish, it was easy to identify a sister wife by that inbred, outer space look, predisposition to pastels, freaky hairdos and over-all bad fashion sense. As disturbing as I found this look, at least you could pick these broads out of crowd. I like to know with whom I am dealing. Enter Corey Brown and the "Sister Wives". Corey Brown looks pretty much like every slightly sunburned beach bartender I ever knew in Florida, minus a few broken capillaries around the nose. I suspect the dude of using "Sun-In" on his hair, although like everything else I say in this article, I could never prove it.

Sister Wives

This "normalcy" makes this show uber-creepy. The Browns like to talk about how people are already "prejudiced" against them. As if their pluralistic state of matrimony was thrust upon them unwillingly. Corey is also prone to getting a little defensive when people inquire into their sex lives. Dude, you are married to FOUR different women and you have chosen to TELEVISE your lifestyle -- what do you think people are going to ask you about? Boxers or briefs?

One thing I know about myself for certain is that deep down inside I am very, very selfish. No way in hell could I EVER even remotely consider sharing my husband with some other woman. (The Army gets in the way enough as it is.) I am the center of my husband's universe. In one episode Corey marries wife number 4, and that selfish bastard goes on a honeymoon JUST with her. The other wives, who have been dealing with this tool year-after-year-after-year get left at home. They deal with "their jealousy issues" by going on a picnic where there is more crying. These women cry a lot. I don't cry this much about my husband and he has been in a combat zone for almost a year.

The weird thing is, that the Browns really don't seem horribly religious. Oh, at least once during EVERY show, the Browns huddle together in prayer, as if to to remind us that this is a religious choice, but I get the feeling that they are really just playing to the camera.


Wife number-one Meri, alternates between being seriously pissed-off and crying. One gets the feeling the other wives have kicked her in the metaphorical uterus because Meri has only been able to produce one child. Talk about an underachiever. Meri keeps a lid on her pent-up rage, but every so often she lets a little snippet fly. I think she may just be the one to let loose on Corey one of these days.

Here is my fantasy scenario for the end of Season Two: One night at a prayer meeting Meri announces that she is a Lesbian and is love with one of the other sister-wives. The two remaining sister wives announce that they have been having a clandestine affair and have secretly married in some state where that is legal. Corey is kicked out into the cold and left to contemplate his blonde hightlights. Alone.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Westboro and Other Asses

God Hates You

Since our media has determined that the 24 hour-a-day news coverage of Charlie Sheen's embarrassingly public mental meltdown prevents the coverage of any REAL news, you may have missed that our Supreme Court just made a really dumb ass decision. Long story short, they upheld the rights of those raving lunatics from the Westboro Baptist Church to protest at military funerals. To do otherwise would be to deny these people their First Amendment rights.

It just goes to show you: If you want to say whatever the hell you want to, whenever the hell you want to, just start a religion. How freaking stupid and superstitious is it to believe God is killing soldiers because the United States supports gay rights. WTF???? People who have given the ultimate sacrifice in the defense of this nation can be subjected to the absurd, archaic, backward, ridiculous so-called-religious protests because to do otherwise would violate the Westboro Baptist Church's First Amendment rights? I am disgusted. Beam me up, Scotty. Common sense should have been written into the Constitution. I would like to propose a new amendment to the Constitution that requires our nation's leaders to exercise common sense. I don't care how you feel about war, having a loved one killed in combat is a horrible, terrible thing. It is NOT the place for ANY sort of protest. It isn't appropriate. When did religious tolerance become religious accommodation?

I have a sign on my door that says "No Religious Solicitation". First, I think it is beyond rude for someone to show-up on my porch and presume I am in league with Satan and require "saving". Secondly, this solicitation of converts is not a part of religion and I would prefer not to have MY religious freedom violated by some asshole on my property. Take your self-righteous bullshit somewhere else and DO SOMETHING an actual Christian might do. I have to tolerate your stupid religion. I don't have to agree with it and I shouldn't have to accommodate it at a military funeral. Nor should anyone else.

These people have ALWAYS HAD THE RIGHT to practice their religion. No one has interfered with their right to practice their faith. However, EVERY single time these idiots show-up at a military funeral THEY interfere with the rights of grief-stricken people practicing their own spiritual rituals. The decision made by the Supreme Court is the sort of stupid political correctness our forefathers who framed the Constitution NEVER intended. Furthermore, what Westboro Baptist Church engages in is NOT religious; it is political. I fail to see how preventing Westboro Baptist Church from protesting at military funerals interferes with their right to practice their religion. Our courts intervene if child's welfare is threatened because of a parent's religious belief. Polygamy is illegal in this nation, although that certainly offends the religious beliefs of certain sects. Why then is the court unable to protect the rights of it's citizens from these religious zealots at military funerals?

I am fond of the saying: "The law is not an ass." What this means too me is that although the law can be manipulated to make less than reasonable decisions by obeying the letter of the law and not the spirit, our jurisprudence system usually does not. Except for today. Today the Supreme Court was an ass.