Friday, September 10, 2010

Idiot of the Week


Pastor Terry Jones is an idiot. This is the kind of turd-bucket that really chaps my behind. When I mention that I have some serious issues with building an "Islamic Cultural Center" (hereto for referred to as a "mosque") at or near Ground Zero I am written off as a right-wing nut-job because of fools like this ass-wipe.

Here is what I think in a nutshell: I would prefer that a mosque not be built anywhere near Ground Zero. Do I think that the Muslim community has a right to build a mosque where they want to? According to the U.S. Constitution, probably. Would I prefer they didn't build near Ground Zero? Yup. Does that mean I am a racist slob who hates Muslims? I would hope not. That said: I have a right NOT to like some body's religion -- even YOURS. I don't have a right to stop ANYBODY from PRACTICING their religion. That said, if the Muslim community REALLY wants to sell their image as a peaceful community, for the benefit of all, I would love to see them take the high road and move the mosque somewhere else. This could be seen a gesture of goodwill from the Muslim community to the United States, acknowledge the people who lost so much on September 11, 2001 (at the hands of Muslim extremists), and maybe even a express a little spiritual maturity.

Then along comes this idiot Pastor Terry Jones with his childish tit-for-tat behavior saying he will burn the Koran if they build this mosque. ARRRGH!!! It is this sort of moron that makes Americans look like idiots abroad. I don't know what Terry Jones' motives are, but I suspect he is all about self-promotion and self-aggrandisement. People who do these heavy-handed, thoughtless things usually are. The big problem with free speech is that people like this have a right to run their mouths. Maybe the way to get them to shut-up is to stop listening to them. Does Pastor Terry Jones have a right to burn the Koran? Yup. As much as Muslims have a right to build a mosque near Ground Zero. Would I prefer that neither of these things occur? Absolutely.

However, once again, it isn't up to me. Instead of a mature discussion about the pros and cons of this issue, the idiots are making their voices heard loud and clear. Terry Jones has done MORE to promote the cause of building a mosque at Ground Zero than he has done to prevent it. He has reminded us that we are a nation that has a responsibility to protect the right to worship as we please(or not). Instead of discussing the pragmatic issues of how this mosque will be a terrorist target and who is going to pay to protect it, the discussion has devolved into stupidity. Again.

So, Pastor Terry Jones, you are my official "Idiot of the Week".

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

New Poll: Snuggie/Slanket

My Snuggie...don't be a hater

This seems to be a "hot button topic", so I am announcing the official "Joannafesto" Snuggie/Slanket poll. Do not be confused with cheesy imitations.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Call IT a Snuggie or a Slanket -- IT Must Be Stopped!

the slanket

I don't care what the hell they call it a "Snuggie" or a "Slanket" the damn thing is an ill-fitting, backwards robe and I am not buying it. The thing is ubiquitous and likely to become more so the closer we get to the holiday season. Just when I thought this ridiculous thing couldn't get more ridiculous there is now a new commercial to the tune of "The Macarena". Dumb-ass, happy people dancing around in their Snuggies doing that equally ridiculous idiotic dance, made even MORE popular by one U.S. Olympic Gymnastics team. Those girls were doing back flips on a five inch wide board, but what everyone was SO thrilled about was that they did that idiotic dance. A chimpanzee could master the macarena. (No offense to the chimp.) Not only are these damn Snuggie-Slanket things taking over ALL the shelf space at my local CVS, squeezing out the important stuff like the Pedi-Egg, Chia Pets and knock-off Crocs, much to my chagrin I have found out that there is an entire subculture dedicated to these stupid things.

Hail the mighty Snuggie

There is a Snuggie with a pocket so you can keep your beer warm.

Searching for a photo to go with this blog, I stumbled upon a giant photo of Morrisey on a blanket a a girl contemplating how to turn it into a Snuggie to wear to a concert. There ought to be a law.

Mozzer Snuggie

There are Snuggies for your dog. Here we see a helpless dachshund trying to get away from it.

Bos's new Snuggie

If that wasn't enough animal cruelty for you, now they are trying to make CATS wear the damn thing. Doesn't he look happy?

Pwny's new snuggie

There are scary Slankets.

King Snuggie, early prototype

As it the Burger King wasn't scary enough on his own.

There is a whole CULT dedicated to this ridiculous thing and it needs to be stopped. NOW.

31/365 - Snuggie

I am going to tell you the truth about the Snuggie/Slanket or whatever they want to call it. First: It's an ill-fitting, backwards blanket without a belt. They can't sell it as a robe because if you don't take it off when you get up to do something it becomes a safety hazard. Secondly: Your relatives bought this for you because they forgot all about you at Christmas and just HAD to give you something. The truck stop was on the way to your house. Thirdly: If you bought it for yourself -- I CAN'T HELP YOU.

Here is what I think of the Snuggie:

A pink snuggie

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Ding-Dong the Witch is Dead!

Margaret Hamilton, as The Wicked Witch of the West, hides behind a tree from Dorothy, played by Judy Garland (1922 - 1969), and the scarecrow as they make their way down the yellow brick road in a scene from 'The Wizard of Oz'. (Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

It is so WRONG of me on so many levels to even be posting this, but I am. You see yesterday I uncovered what should have been some sad news but instead has made me about as happy as I can be considering my husband, The Bulldog, is currently deployed.

In an effort to entertain myself with out getting too winded, I started looking up information on my genealogy on Mostly I was researching my Dad's side of the family, who turned-out to be your basic poor-as-dirt farmers and/or farm labourers. I did turn up a tidbit that Great-great-great Uncle Walter, who was known as "The Evil One" for talking to disembodied spirits and supposedly never married, may have well married in secret two years prior to his untimely death. While trying to untangle the pile of unruly weeds that had taken over my husband's "Southern Nuts" side of the family (I consider myself a Southern Nut, so don't ya' be gettin' mad at me about that one...) which may have been drawn with a Spirograph, I was ready to call it a day. Then I decided that if "The Evil One" could possibly have a secret wife, maybe I could dig up a little dirt on my ex-husband.

My ex was a drinking, drugging son-of-a-bitch, who last I heard seemed headed to prison. Almost 25 years after the fact, I still have the occasionally bad dream about this creep. One of the biggest regrets I will EVER have in my life is that when I left this asshole I had bruises on my face, and my sweet, sweet late father asked me if that creep had done that to me. "Yes." was all I could say. It still breaks my heart that I put my precious Daddy through that. I got away from it, divorced and a few years latter I met a married my wonderful Bulldog.

Since I do keep an eye on operational security here at Kelleywood, I do occasionally try to figure out where the ex is. I ran his name on Holy cats! Guess who popped-up deceased? Uh-huh -- the ex. I always wondered how I would feel if I found-out he was dead and now I have the answer: Damn good. Really good. The two things that keep running through my head are Melanie from "Gone With the Wind" saying to Scarlett after she shoots and kills that Yankee who was robbing them: "You killed him. I'm glad you killed him." and "Ding-dong, the witch is dead..." from "The Wizard of Oz." (Ironically these two films were made in the same year.) It's wrong -- but I am just so happy. I thought I'd moved on, was over it all, and I was, but this is just the icing on the cake. I know I am supposed to say it is sad that someone would so thoroughly waste their life, and blah, blah, blah, you know all that crap people say when they execute some mass-murdering criminal, but what I feel is relief that I don't ever have to deal with his sorry ass again, that and "So long, sucker!"

Here's the deal: If anybody out there is reading this and is married to or otherwise involved with some jacked-up creep who is hurting them mentally, physically or both -- get out! RUN and don't look back. These people don't change. It is NOT about YOU, it's ALL about THEM. If you are not there, they WILL do it to someone else. You can't fix it, you can't change it, but you can move on.

Living well is indeed the best revenge.

circa 1939:  Promotional studio portrait of American actor Olivia de Havilland, standing in front of a window in a promotional portrait for 'Gone With The Wind'. She wears a gown, with her hair parted and pulled back.  (Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Computer Ate My Homework

Lea Michele during the 62nd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards, held at the Nokia Theatre, on August 29, 2010, in Los Angeles. Photo: Michael Germana / Star Max Photo via Newscom

Monday I put together an entire "Emmy Fashion Smackdown" blog, with tons of pictures and my charming commentary. Just as I conducted one last spell check, the computer locked-up and after hours of tedious work finding and posting photos, I could no longer open the post. Whenever I tried to open the post, the computer locked-up and I had to shut the whole thing down again. It was with a heavy heart I deleated an entire afternoon's worth of work. I gave-up for the day and tuned into "E! The Fashion Police" to get a blow-by-blow of the Emmy fashion from the professionals.

They were using the same damn stuff I had written about, and lost that afternoon. Stuff about how Christina Hendricks may have been showing too much of a good thing:
Actress Christina Hendricks arrives at the Entertainment Tonight After-Party for the 62nd annual Primetime Emmy Awards in Los Angeles, California August 29, 2010. Picture taken August 29, 2010. REUTERS/Jason Redmond (UNITED STATES - Tags: ENTERTAINMENT)

and I kinda' thought she looked like she was molting because of the feathers. I also commented that Lauren Graham looked like she'd just come from "Red Lobster". Joan Rivers jumped on that one.

29 August 2010 - Los Angeles, California - Lauren Graham. 62nd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards held at NOKIA Theatre L.A. LIVE. Photo Credit: Byron Purvis/AdMedia

That was MY bit, too, except now no one will know I said it first. Kelly Osbourne seconded my opinion that January Jones' blue dress looked like coffee filters. That was mine first, but it is lost to the ages and I will never get credit. Also the part where I referred to her as "Madonna Smurf" was lost to the ages.
January Jones during the 62nd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards, held at the Nokia Theatre, on August 29, 2010, in Los Angeles. Photo: Michael Germana / Star Max Photo via Newscom

We disagreed on a few things: Their "best dressed" went to Lea Michele; mine went to Kim Kardashian or maybe it was Claire Danes. I don't remember.
Photo by: RE/Westcom/ 2010  8/29/10 Kim Kardashian, The 62nd Primetime Emmy Awards held at the Nokia Theatre in (Los Angeles, CA.) Photo via Newscom

Actress Claire Danes walks on stage during the 62nd annual Primetime Emmy Awards in Los Angeles, on August 29, 2010.  UPI/Jim Ruymen Photo via Newscom

I don't remember what else I said. I am sure it is all out there in cyberspace somewhere, I just can't get to it. Like "The Fashion Police", surely I pondered the question of why Kyra Sedgwick didn't bother to comb her hair.
LOS ANGELES - AUG 29: Kyra Sedgwick in the Press Room at the 2010 Emmy Awards at Nokia Theater at LA Live on August 29, 2010 in Los Angeles, CA Photo via Newscom

I didn't discuss the men, I do remember that much. All they have to do is put on a tuxedo. How hard is that? Besides, we all know it's all about Clooney. Who gives a shit what the other guys look like?

LOS ANGELES - AUG 29: George Clooney in the Press Room at the 2010 Emmy Awards at Nokia Theater at LA Live on August 29, 2010 in Los Angeles, CA Photo via Newscom

Who knew -- posting a picture of Clooney kinda' makes me feel better. I picked January Jones as "Worst Dressed"; "The Fashion Police" selected Anna Paquin. We both pondered why she dressed like a bullfighter.

Primetime Emmy Awards Arrivals held at The Nokia Theatre L.A. Live in Los Angeles, California on August 29th, 2010. Anna Paquin                                            Fame Pictures, Inc

That's all I can remember of my post, and I am posting this before the computer eats it again.