Sunday, March 13, 2011
Sister Wives: Are We Having Fun Yet?
Things I am grateful for today (besides not having myself or any of my loved ones swept away by a tsunami): I am grateful that I have never had the occasion to start a sentence with the following phrase: "The other sister wives and I...". Have you seen this show? I have tried watching it several times, but usually have to stop about mid-way through because I keep wanting at least one of those wives to develop a shred of self-esteem and tell that that surfer-dude Corey the-husband-guy to take a flying friggin' leap. Instead, they cry. EVERY time I watch this show these wives are crying and "dealing with their jealousy issues" Here is how you deal with jealousy issues: Don't let your husband marry other women.
Back in the good-old-days, 2009ish, it was easy to identify a sister wife by that inbred, outer space look, predisposition to pastels, freaky hairdos and over-all bad fashion sense. As disturbing as I found this look, at least you could pick these broads out of crowd. I like to know with whom I am dealing. Enter Corey Brown and the "Sister Wives". Corey Brown looks pretty much like every slightly sunburned beach bartender I ever knew in Florida, minus a few broken capillaries around the nose. I suspect the dude of using "Sun-In" on his hair, although like everything else I say in this article, I could never prove it.
This "normalcy" makes this show uber-creepy. The Browns like to talk about how people are already "prejudiced" against them. As if their pluralistic state of matrimony was thrust upon them unwillingly. Corey is also prone to getting a little defensive when people inquire into their sex lives. Dude, you are married to FOUR different women and you have chosen to TELEVISE your lifestyle -- what do you think people are going to ask you about? Boxers or briefs?
One thing I know about myself for certain is that deep down inside I am very, very selfish. No way in hell could I EVER even remotely consider sharing my husband with some other woman. (The Army gets in the way enough as it is.) I am the center of my husband's universe. In one episode Corey marries wife number 4, and that selfish bastard goes on a honeymoon JUST with her. The other wives, who have been dealing with this tool year-after-year-after-year get left at home. They deal with "their jealousy issues" by going on a picnic where there is more crying. These women cry a lot. I don't cry this much about my husband and he has been in a combat zone for almost a year.
The weird thing is, that the Browns really don't seem horribly religious. Oh, at least once during EVERY show, the Browns huddle together in prayer, as if to to remind us that this is a religious choice, but I get the feeling that they are really just playing to the camera.
Wife number-one Meri, alternates between being seriously pissed-off and crying. One gets the feeling the other wives have kicked her in the metaphorical uterus because Meri has only been able to produce one child. Talk about an underachiever. Meri keeps a lid on her pent-up rage, but every so often she lets a little snippet fly. I think she may just be the one to let loose on Corey one of these days.
Here is my fantasy scenario for the end of Season Two: One night at a prayer meeting Meri announces that she is a Lesbian and is love with one of the other sister-wives. The two remaining sister wives announce that they have been having a clandestine affair and have secretly married in some state where that is legal. Corey is kicked out into the cold and left to contemplate his blonde hightlights. Alone.